Lost
………….Found
Lost
………….Found
Just when you get to the stage of letting go, fate steps up and says, “not yet”. Your immediate response to fate is a hearty, “fuck you”, been there, done that – not going to revisit it. But I believe much of our journey in this life is pre-determined. We can fight against is as much as we want, and of course we can exercise our free will, but we can’t ignore the signs that point to the path we are supposed to take, or indeed, the path we are not supposed to take.
Then you settle down and think, “screw it”, just go with the flow, let the past go and live in the moment. People and situations appear in our lives when we need them. We are exactly where we are supposed to be and who we are supposed to be with at any given moment.
If you embrace that concept, interesting things can happen.
What kind of interesting you may ask? Learning to acknowledge and accept the imperfect human being I am. Trying to accept that yes, I have baggage. I will not let my baggage define me, nor influence the person that I want to be. I am worthy, my intuition and judgment are sound. There are people out there that I can trust, who will treat me with dignity and respect and who will keep their word. I will not project my baggage onto someone else.
Trust has always a huge issue for me, but for some reason, it’s something I’ve only recently been able to acknowledge with more than token lip service.
So how does one get past this? You don’t. But you can learn how to heal. In the week since I started this post I’ve had some clarity about this. More on that below.
It’s not an easy task, as a matter of fact; it can be quite a painful process. It requires digging deep, confronting the shit that you’ve been stuffing down for pretty much your entire lifetime. Denial is a coping mechanism, indeed many times, it helps you survive. But when you find yourself at a crossroads, you realize that in order to move forward, you need to confront, not deny.
It’s a fascinating process. I’ve always considered myself a “seeker”. I have for many years, been on a quest of personal growth. Human nature fascinates me. But as I go through this process now, I realize that I had many preconceived notions about how my growth and enlightenment would play out.
Dust off the baggage, haul it out, recognize it, acknowledge it, forgive yourself or others. Done. I’m good to go.
Oops. It’s not quite that simple.
It’s all good up the “done” part. Crap.
No, it’s more like, dust off the baggage, haul it out, recognize it, acknowledge it, forgive yourself or others – then understand that your baggage is a part of you and it’s not going anywhere. That was somewhat of a depressing revelation.
The trick is that when a situation or person triggers one of your panic buttons, you have to name it, acknowledge it and let it come up so you can feel it. Once it’s there you can ask “what is it that this situation/person has triggered?” Feelings of abandonment (fear), trust (fear), unworthiness (fear), anger (fear)?
So what does all this have to do with my lost and found?
A door opens. Do you slam it shut, or do you take a chance and walk through it?
Do you let your past experience define your future or do you meet your future with eyes and heart wide open?
Ever the optimist, I reject the former and choose the latter.
Lost
…………Found
Lost
…………Found
