Yep.
That pretty much sums up how I feel these days.
For a change, I’m okay with that. Actually, I’m embracing the beautiful mess that is me.
I’m currently going through something that has caused me to want to slip back into old, well established patterns. I found myself spiraling down that slippery slope of wanting to control things, make things happen in my time frame, my comfort zone. I got called on it. My reaction was “good on you…” I wasn’t offended in the least. Secretly I found myself rather delighted that someone had the fortitude to call me on my shit.
But, old patterns die hard and other issues have come up that trigger a whole pile of shit. The panic rises, the fear comes up and the insecurities flow. The temptation is for me to think it’s my fault. I’m not good enough, I’m not worthy, I did something wrong.
I know intellectually, that’s not true, but it’s a battle to keep those deeply ingrained reactions from settling in to my reality.
I recently read a great article that really resonated with me.
LET GO OF CONTROL: HOW TO LEARN THE ART OF SURRENDER
My new Mantra
Let go of the oars, dammit
I love the beautiful mess that is me.
